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Topic 9: Immigration and the US of A. 

Recently I rented the second season of Morgan Spurlock's "30 Days." Subtle biases aside, the show does a pretty good job of showing both sides of an issue and letting you make up your own mind about what the lesson to learn was in each episode. The first season was better than the second, in my opinion, but I digress.

Episode 1 of the season was about Immigration. Morgan had a minute man (Frank) that volunteered on weekends to watch for Mexicans trying to cross the border illegally go to stay with an immigrant family in California. It was a family of eight in a one or two bedroom apartment, and Frank  made nine. The father did repair work for peanuts around the nearby apartment complex, the mother returned bottles once a week and kept the house, and the kids mostly went to school. The eldest daughter was trying to get into Princeton or some other prestigious school.  

The daughter butted heads with Frank many times. She'd say, "don't we deserve the same life that you do?" and "don't you see the potential in the eyes of the people trying to cross the border?" And Frank would respond with an overly patriotic "I have to protect my country, it's my duty."

I feel like Frank is the wrong man for the job. This isn't a protection issue. The Mexicans are just trying to escape severe poverty, they're not trying to murder us and take our women and children. It's a law issue. 

The daughter is naive. It's like you said, Andy, the guy who's selling coke at Harvard has potential--he's at Harvard--but he's still selling coke. He's still breaking the law. 

The episode did let me see that kind of conditions some of these immigrants are living in. The reasoning is there, I see it and I understand. But just because I really want to run through the streets naked singing some hit pop song doesn't mean it's not illegal. And just because I was lying about that last part doesn't mean it's not running through your head right now. Ha-HA!

My view is that someone should start a program to help the mexicans that feel the need to immigrate here because they live in filth. We should also grant amnesty to those that have been here more than a certain number of years and their direct blood relations, but they should have to take classes and pay dues to become an american citizen. And those that have been here some # of years and less should have to return to their home area, and apply to be an American like anyone else would have to. Or something. It's hard not to do something like that on a case by case basis, but I guess the number is so large that it's hard to do it that way as well. 

I'm sure you'll have something 30 times more intelligent to say, Andrew. Have at it!

Reality Bites: So let's lose ourselves in other's misfortune!

Yay!!

I actually enjoy watching America's Got Talent. I'll admit it. I even subject myself to American Idol every now and then when eating dinner with my parents. But it's not the sappy stories, it's not the losers who're delusional enough to think they're good, and it's certainly not David effing Hasselhoff. It's the music, the dancing, the weird things that people can do. The entertainment. I feel like I would have fit right in around the Vaudeville era.

Yes, the stories are sappy. Some even hard to believe. But you can bet your ass that those cheesy Grammy-Was-A-Crack-Whore tales are the ones that keep people watching and coming back for more. They can relate to these people. "You're father worked in a coal mine and danced at Gay! Gay! Gay! on the weekends? No way! I too had some sort of hard life! That makes me completely interested in watching you sing, allbeit off key." These producers know how to appeal to the average-joe-pathetic.

It seems like the whole point of the reality show is to give us a voyeristic view into 'normal' people's lives with 'huge' problems so that we'll all feel better about the world around us. "Oh. I guess we don't have it so bad. Everything's coming up roses over here compared to that guy."
Don't misread this: I do not, repeat, DO NOT like reality television. Survivor, The Bachelor Big Brother, whatever... it's all mind numbing. There are some shows that border reality television and something else entirely, though that make my ears perk up, but for the most part I prefer a movie or some Heroes.

Remember Double Dare? That was some quality 'reality' television.

I'm not even sure if any of this approached your subject.

I should mention before I go, though, that the new series "Wipe Out" is pretty hilarious most of the time. Check it, son.

Having A Crappy Life For Fun And Profit

Topic 8: Reality TV, and how it's made losers famous, and made famous losers.

I’ve got an idea for a reality show. It’s called “The Most Pathetic Person In America”, and I think it’ll be a huge hit, if only you, my loyal readers, will give me a bit of backing, and some unsolicited feedback.

The idea came to me when I was watching America’s Got Talent recently, and noticed that each contestant that comes on there has just the most depressing back-stories known to man. There’s never anyone auditioning for a singing gig on that show that came from Greenwich, CT, and gained his amazing talent through years of very extensive and expensive voice lessons. I’m pretty sure anyone with any shred of privilege or success outside of their talent is left on the cutting room floor, and is forced to return to their lives of better-than-mediocrity.

People with any kind of happy life are not allowed on reality television (unless, of course, we, the viewers, are supposed to hate them). Contestants on America’s Got Talent are given time to tell their stories, and I swear to you that I’m probably making this up when I relay one of their stories to you. (While I am making it up, I am not exaggerating)

“When I was growing up, my mother used to take me to work with her; she couldn’t afford a babysitter or daycare. Back then, she worked 9 jobs. And even working 40 hours a day, her combined income was still well below minimum wage. While she was working as a janitor at a waste treatment facility, I used to sit in the car with the radio on, listening to the music of the time. Due to a radiation leak in our apartment building (we shared a studio with three other families) I was basically deaf. But during those 40 hours each day, sitting in the car, I taught myself to hear, to speak, and to sing. At the age of 12, I had gotten a job working as an MC and a Sinatra impersonator at a local crack house, and the tips I raised went to paying for mom’s chemotherapy. It was a year later that she died, and on her death-bed she told me…”

And that was the least depressing story of the episode. Reality TV seems to be shifting from its original purpose, giving away fabulous cash prizes in exchange for eating bull testicles, to allowing the mass media to capitalize on the depressing pasts of everyone in America, while also allowing us, the unwashed masses, to sit back in our wingback chairs and talk amongst ourselves as to which charity case looks more like a whore.

Anyways, I digress. It was all of the above that gave me the idea for “The Most Pathetic Person In America”. Every week, contestants show up, tell their horrendously depressing back-stories, and we, the privileged, phone or text our votes in as to who we think is The Most Pathetic Person In America. Here’s a sample story… the one I’d use.

“My papa was a great old man; I can see him with a shovel in his hands. See, education he never had, but he did wonders when the times got bad. The little money from the crops he raised barely paid the bills we made. Life had kicked him down to the ground. When he tried to get up life would kick him back down. One day Papa called me to his dyin' bed, put his hands on my shoulders and in his tears he said, ‘Patches, I'm dependin' on you, son, to pull the family through. My son, it's all left up to you.’”