Sweet Fancy Jesus!

Finally.

2009-03-01T13:04:00.002-05:00

Aquaman's Lament // Mark Aaron James

A 'summer tone' song. The kind of thing you listen to in the sunshine or while playing volleyball. I have a hard time with these songs because I find myself trying to pay attention to the lyrics too much on the first few listens, so I don't actually know how I feel about the song until it's one listen too many. It's a pretty generic melody, nothing really sticks out. Singers voice isn't terrible, but isn't exactly original. The lyrics were pretty well done, though. I'd rather have read it as a poem.

Lazywalker // Jaffa

Reminds me a lot Jamiroquai and Daft punk before the voice comes in. The voice is very Luther Vandross or Barry White. Deep and sultry. I like when the organ chimes in, but it needs to be dialed back a bit so you can still hear the bass/base beat. I really do like the sound, but I find myself look at the time at 2 minutes 10 seconds and feeling worried that the marker hasn't made it to the halfway point. I'm wondering where this song can go to keep it interesting. I skim through the rest. It stays pretty repetitive. For the background in many types of movie scenes, this is a great tune. For listening in the car or while doing other things on the computer? Not so much.

Tarbosh (Dancin' In The Light) // Entrain

Good beat. Wow, was not expecting the tuba..? Singer reminds me of a mix between Bradley (Sublime) and Shaggy. The song is definitely keeping my interest. Chorus is foot-tapping. Oooo a drum break. Far to short! I just realized he's... jamaica-rapping...

Theeeere's a better drum break. And i actually think the classic-rock-guitar-solo feels misplaced. Pretty sweet song. I can see myself putting this on a random mix cd for myself or someone else. Very cool. Kind of gives me the vibe of that song from Save The Last Dance.... Murder She Wrote? Shut up, it's a good song.

Dynomite, Novocaine For The Souls, Somnambulist

2009-01-22T00:32:00.001-05:00

"Dynomite" Ima Robot
It really surprised me how quickly I got used to the lead singer's voice in this song. It grew on me quite quickly, which was odd since I was a little turned off by it at first. This song has a lot of bits and pieces that sound familiar in style to other songs I've heard. None of them, however, sound familiar together, almost like a discordant highlight-reel from an eclectic playlist on shuffle, not that that's a bad thing. This song is definitely, as they say, a toe-tapper. I can't say I really understood what the song was about, but I enjoyed it for what it was. B+

"Novocaine For The Soul" Eels
The lead singer on this reminds me, at times, of Blake Scharzenbach from the greatly missed band Jets To Brazil. I'm not sure entirely how I feel about this song. It was one of those odd moments in listening to new music where I understood why I would like this song, and I could see myself reccomending this song to people who like similar music to my own tastes. And yet, at the end of it, I wasn't really feeling much. The lead guitar has an ambling feel that almost grabs your hand and pulls you along the towards whatever end goal this song has. I guess I must has lost grip of his hand before we reached the end, because this song, as much as I understand why its a good song, and why I would like it, left me unscathed. I feel like after a number more accidental listenings, and a few months, this song will definitely grow on me.

"Somnambulist" BT
To be honest, I was a little disappointed when the vocals came in on this track. I absolutely love everything going on in the background, but the vocals really did little for me. They felt like ice in a glass of Coke from the fountain. The Coke came out from the fountain cold enough, and the ice is really just getting in the way and making it that much more difficult to enjoy the Coke itself. Musically this is fantastic, though, and I would love an instrumental version if one exists. That electronic-distortion vocal track on top of otherwise quite enjoyable electronic and hip hop tracks has lost its appeal for me. Vocals aside, though, this was a fantastic track.

Clash, Smells Like Teen Spirit (Cover), Time Is The Enemy.

2009-01-22T00:13:00.001-05:00

"Clash" Junkie XL
One of the things I absolutely love about this song is the feeling of disconnect between each section of the song. There are moments where it almost seems like the song just stops dead with whatever its doing and goes off in a completely different direction. This song is a personal favorite of mine for driving on a nice day, or even more so, for a workout. It definitely gets repetitive towards the end, but its in a way that I really enjoyed. Whenever the song strayed from its main melody, I always got a little excited when I knew it was coming back. Almost like a game of musical peek-a-boo.

"Smells Like Teen Spirit (Cover)" Paul Anka
There is definitely a different feel with this lounge cover of an alternative rock song than there is with Richard Cheese. I don't want to say that Anka takes his lounge covers more seriously, because that could imply a level of pretension on his part that is definitely not there. Its more that he takes away the campy comedy-cover feel that Cheese has. Comedy music always has a feel of triviality; I feel it every time I hear Weird Al. Sure its funny, but that's about as far as it goes. Anka takes the lounge cover and turns it almost into something respectable. This isn't a funny rendition of a classic Nirvana song, this is Smells Like Teen Spirit as Paul Anka would have sung it, no more, no less. And it works.

"Time Is The Enemy" Quantic
One of the things I absolutely love about this song is that I have no recollection of where or when I got it, or how, for that matter. I don't own any CDs that this would have possibly been on, and neither "Time Is The Enemy" nor "Quantic" are things I might have searched for and accidentally gotten this. Either way, its one of my favorite chill out songs. This song gives me a feeling of a last shot, a last attempt at something greater, a last chance to escape. Long shots, quick cuts. Feet pounding on ground, lungs pounding in chest, rain pounding on head. A sense of being lost in a compeltely familiar area, like when you approach an intersection from a direction you're not used to and suddenly you have no idea where you are. Almost a level of peaceful and dutifully earned desperation. One of my favorite aspects, and its such a small one, is that the lilting piano in the background bounces back and forth from the left channel to the right channel. I didn't even notice it until I listened with stereo headphones, but its there.

Clash, Smells Like Teen Spirit (Cover), Time Is The Enemy.

2009-01-18T18:21:00.002-05:00

"Clash" Junkie XL

This song makes me think of a LOT of things. A lot of different influences. The first thing I thought was "The Go! Team." quickly followed by The Flaming Lips, followed by the background of some pop-princess' catchy-as-a-bastard song. (In fact, now that I listen, the back beat is pretty similar to "I Kissed A Girl" by Kate Perry) And then that Blur song they always played at hockey games. I definitely get the 'would go over well in a sports arena' feel. Not a bad thing by any means. I get a lot of electronica vibes that I like, but I can't seem to bring any specific artists to mind. This one did get a little too repetitive to it's detriment at the end. I think it may have done better if it was a little shorter with an extra bridge.

"Smells Like Teen Spirit (Cover)" Paul Anka

I don't know as I have ever heard anything by Paul Anka before, I've just heard my mom say he is one of her all time favorite singers a million times over. Andy had mentioned a covers album he did that he had to send me -- one that even I would enjoy. He was right. This song in particular achieves something that I always feel Richard Cheese lacks. The musicality of the lounge instrumental in the background is a lot more pleasing and complex than that of any lounge cover of a popular song I've heard thus far. Anka's voice is pretty similar to Cheese though. Nothing out of the ordinary there.

"Time Is The Enemy" Quantic

Apparently Andy was listening when I was babbling about instrumental hip hop-esque music last night. THIS is the kind of ambient, electronic, dance-hop I love. The kind you could easily wiggle around a dance floor to, or just simply chill on the couch

or drive in the elements with. I find I tend to dig trip-hop ambient style sounds when they have piano and a slow moving toe tapping beat in the background. This has what I like. At it's very worst it gets a teensy bit repetitive at one point, but otherwise, kudos.

A new direction.

2009-01-18T18:14:00.002-05:00

Andy and I are going to try and change gears here at Sweet Fancy Jesus. Finding it hard to come up with controversial topics to banter back and forth between, we're going go in a different direction.

This time around, we will send each other 3(ish) songs every week or so and give our opinions on them. We're giving it a shot anyway.

Scene Kid With A Katana

2008-09-22T02:46:00.004-04:00

Topic #10: The Spark That Makes Life Interesting

I thought that for our 10th topic, we could go a bit off the beaten path and discuss something a little more philisophical, and a lot less interesting. This was basically a rant I had running through my head for a while, so I figured I'd write it out and see how it panned out. Afterwards, it seemed like it could be interesting for our little experiment here, so I'm posting it. Enjoi, Aerin, and hopefully you can find something to respond to in here.

See, I've been thinking. There's always been this fascination in my mind with the human condition, and our natural and immediate responses to any and every situation. Its always been a little pet of mine. See, if you take a thousand people, and you put them all through the same rigors, they'll all, for the most part, respond in the same general manner. Sure the actions conveying it could be different. A laugh instead of a smile. A frown instead of a tear. Accosting instead of insulting. But the general feeling and reaction is always there, and almost always identical.

And that's boring. Interacting with people on a level like that would be infinitely dull for someone like me. You know me, I like to play my games. I like to experiment and manipulate situations with complete strangers. A sociological experiment, if you will. But as I've described so far, that experiment has dreadfully boring results.

The thing that makes it interesting isn't the 999 in 1000 that all smile. They're useless. Its that less than 1% who surprise you. The frown instead of a smile. The laugh instead of a tear. They're what make everything worth it. If we all went about our daily rigors without any real difference to those around us, life would be a real drag, no?

But its those surprises. Those people who catch me off guard. The waitresses who actually give me more crap back than I give to them. The lady in the supermarket who smiles and curtsies when I tip my invisible hat and smile. They're the ones that make it interesting. Those completely unexpected retorts to my intangible witticisms.

Do you see what I'm getting at here? The key to it all. The only thing you can really count on.

The only real entertainment... the only real fun... is in the true, unscripted chaos. It's the moment the storm hits and you can feel the electricity in the air. Lightning is going to strike, but damned if you know where or when. You look for it, you scan the horizon. But its never right in the center of your vision. Always off in the periphery. Barely in sight, barely in reach. Those moments of real brilliance and uniqueness.

It's not the standard fare of people dressing and acting like complete ponces to emulate some sense of originality. It's not the kid in Hot Topic clothes in the mall. It's the kid walking on the side of Hebron Ave, at noon, dressed in Hot Topic clothes, carrying a katana. I saw this kid a few weeks ago, and it really put it all into perspective for me.

I don't know why he was carrying a katana. Don't know what he was going to do with it, or where he was headed. All I know is that this 16 - 18 year old blond male was walking down Hebron Ave at lunch time with a large Japanese sword in hand. It was a beautifully surreal moment.

And that's what I think this is all about. Every breath just killing time until the next waitress unexpectedly gives me crap. Every little fake persona and white lie to coerce another smile when someone should be frowning. Every day trying to pull the strings and coerce into existence another scene kid with a katana.

I would have let you, it if you had just asked first

2008-09-01T01:24:00.002-04:00

Topic #9: Immigration and the US of A

Immigration is a tricky subject, and quite controversial. I know this because whenever they mention it on local and national talk radio programs, they’re always kind enough to preface it with “Immigration is a tricky subject, and quite controversial.”

It’s difficult to discuss an issue so massive that affects so many people without using a term that I personally coined that goes a little something like this: “Moral Blackmail”. Any time a subject comes up that affects people in any way shape or form, if you spend enough time, you can find someone who makes the whole issue, no matter how apparently simple and clear-cut, seem the complete wrong way ‘round.

Take prescription medication, for example. Every year billions of dollars are spent in research and development for medication that is being developed for the simple purpose of putting on the open market for people to purchase, ingest, and relieve whatever ails them. Even a drug that only affects one in a million people, still affected that one person. And if you put them up on the podium to tell their horrifying story of how they were just trying to live a healthy life, and how those bloodsucking prescription drug companies gave them a drug that gave them heart failure and anal leakage, suddenly any logic or reason goes out the window. “How can you tell this little boy that what happened to him was ok?” they’ll ask you. And you won’t have an answer, because if you do, people with hearts so bleeding they wear only red will beat you with rhetoric and sticks.

What does this have to do with immigration, you ask? Hold your damn horses, I’m getting to that.

It’s so easy for anyone that’s pro-immigration to make a few short documentaries about a family that snuck across the border from Mexico to try and make a better life for their family, subsisting on nothing but Wal-Mart food and good intentions. But the fact of the matter is that they’re cheating, they’re not following the rules, and in America (pronounced A-merh-i-cah) we frown upon that.

We have a system in place for people to immigrate legally into this country, become American citizens, and live a lifestyle in harmony with their work-ethic and abilities. Thousands of people every year come into this country legally and, through the proper channels, enter the workforce and actually live that American dream we all hear about in video-picture films.

I know it’s not a fun idea to think about the people whose lives would be changed negatively by their illegal immigration being punished, but that was a risk that they took when they crossed the border illegally. If I rob a convenience store, whether I use the money to buy drugs, or to feed my starving family, I’ve still robbed a convenience store. It’s not the intentions that matter, but the act itself.

Illegal immigration is making it easier for corporations and private business owners alike to hire workers below fair-market wages. Now I’m about as “pro” minimum wage as I am pro-eating my own foot, but in a situation like this, allowing outside laborers to come into the country illegally, and work off the books for under fair-market wages is anti-capitalism. It hurts supply and demand, and that hurts everyone.

Sure they’re taking jobs that most Americans don’t actually want, but that’s irrelevant. Imagine there was no illegal labor. And imagine that Americans still didn’t want those jobs. Either those employers would have to offer better wages for those jobs, making them more attractive to potential employees, or they’d have to go out of business. Guess which they’d probably choose. That’s how an economy works, jobs that are unattractive and pay poorly don’t get staffed until they’re more attractive, or until they pay better.

Yes, we’re all immigrants to some degree, for the most part. And yes there are some illegals that are making important contributions to society in some way or another. But, again, that’s not the issue. The issue is they’re violating the law. We’re not asking them to say The Pledge every day at dinner, and we’re not asking them strap American flags to their porches. America (pronounced Awesome-Land) is like any other kick-ass club, you don’t need to become a clone of every other member, just pay your monthly dues, follow the rules, and sign the guestbook when you get in.

Pertenezco aquí.

2008-08-26T13:28:00.002-04:00

Topic 9: Immigration and the US of A.

Recently I rented the second season of Morgan Spurlock's "30 Days." Subtle biases aside, the show does a pretty good job of showing both sides of an issue and letting you make up your own mind about what the lesson to learn was in each episode. The first season was better than the second, in my opinion, but I digress.

Episode 1 of the season was about Immigration. Morgan had a minute man (Frank) that volunteered on weekends to watch for Mexicans trying to cross the border illegally go to stay with an immigrant family in California. It was a family of eight in a one or two bedroom apartment, and Frank made nine. The father did repair work for peanuts around the nearby apartment complex, the mother returned bottles once a week and kept the house, and the kids mostly went to school. The eldest daughter was trying to get into Princeton or some other prestigious school.

The daughter butted heads with Frank many times. She'd say, "don't we deserve the same life that you do?" and "don't you see the potential in the eyes of the people trying to cross the border?" And Frank would respond with an overly patriotic "I have to protect my country, it's my duty."

I feel like Frank is the wrong man for the job. This isn't a protection issue. The Mexicans are just trying to escape severe poverty, they're not trying to murder us and take our women and children. It's a law issue.

The daughter is naive. It's like you said, Andy, the guy who's selling coke at Harvard has potential--he's at Harvard--but he's still selling coke. He's still breaking the law.

The episode did let me see that kind of conditions some of these immigrants are living in. The reasoning is there, I see it and I understand. But just because I really want to run through the streets naked singing some hit pop song doesn't mean it's not illegal. And just because I was lying about that last part doesn't mean it's not running through your head right now. Ha-HA!

My view is that someone should start a program to help the mexicans that feel the need to immigrate here because they live in filth. We should also grant amnesty to those that have been here more than a certain number of years and their direct blood relations, but they should have to take classes and pay dues to become an american citizen. And those that have been here some # of years and less should have to return to their home area, and apply to be an American like anyone else would have to. Or something. It's hard not to do something like that on a case by case basis, but I guess the number is so large that it's hard to do it that way as well.

I'm sure you'll have something 30 times more intelligent to say, Andrew. Have at it!

Reality Bites: So let's lose ourselves in other's misfortune!

2008-08-20T15:40:00.002-04:00

Yay!!

I actually enjoy watching America's Got Talent. I'll admit it. I even subject myself to American Idol every now and then when eating dinner with my parents. But it's not the sappy stories, it's not the losers who're delusional enough to think they're good, and it's certainly not David effing Hasselhoff. It's the music, the dancing, the weird things that people can do. The entertainment. I feel like I would have fit right in around the Vaudeville era.

Yes, the stories are sappy. Some even hard to believe. But you can bet your ass that those cheesy Grammy-Was-A-Crack-Whore tales are the ones that keep people watching and coming back for more. They can relate to these people. "You're father worked in a coal mine and danced at Gay! Gay! Gay! on the weekends? No way! I too had some sort of hard life! That makes me completely interested in watching you sing, allbeit off key." These producers know how to appeal to the average-joe-pathetic.

It seems like the whole point of the reality show is to give us a voyeristic view into 'normal' people's lives with 'huge' problems so that we'll all feel better about the world around us. "Oh. I guess we don't have it so bad. Everything's coming up roses over here compared to that guy."
Don't misread this: I do not, repeat, DO NOT like reality television. Survivor, The Bachelor Big Brother, whatever... it's all mind numbing. There are some shows that border reality television and something else entirely, though that make my ears perk up, but for the most part I prefer a movie or some Heroes.

Remember Double Dare? That was some quality 'reality' television.

I'm not even sure if any of this approached your subject.

I should mention before I go, though, that the new series "Wipe Out" is pretty hilarious most of the time. Check it, son.

Having A Crappy Life For Fun And Profit

2008-08-10T17:02:00.003-04:00

Topic 8: Reality TV, and how it's made losers famous, and made famous losers.

I’ve got an idea for a reality show. It’s called “The Most Pathetic Person In America”, and I think it’ll be a huge hit, if only you, my loyal readers, will give me a bit of backing, and some unsolicited feedback.

The idea came to me when I was watching America’s Got Talent recently, and noticed that each contestant that comes on there has just the most depressing back-stories known to man. There’s never anyone auditioning for a singing gig on that show that came from Greenwich, CT, and gained his amazing talent through years of very extensive and expensive voice lessons. I’m pretty sure anyone with any shred of privilege or success outside of their talent is left on the cutting room floor, and is forced to return to their lives of better-than-mediocrity.

People with any kind of happy life are not allowed on reality television (unless, of course, we, the viewers, are supposed to hate them). Contestants on America’s Got Talent are given time to tell their stories, and I swear to you that I’m probably making this up when I relay one of their stories to you. (While I am making it up, I am not exaggerating)

“When I was growing up, my mother used to take me to work with her; she couldn’t afford a babysitter or daycare. Back then, she worked 9 jobs. And even working 40 hours a day, her combined income was still well below minimum wage. While she was working as a janitor at a waste treatment facility, I used to sit in the car with the radio on, listening to the music of the time. Due to a radiation leak in our apartment building (we shared a studio with three other families) I was basically deaf. But during those 40 hours each day, sitting in the car, I taught myself to hear, to speak, and to sing. At the age of 12, I had gotten a job working as an MC and a Sinatra impersonator at a local crack house, and the tips I raised went to paying for mom’s chemotherapy. It was a year later that she died, and on her death-bed she told me…”

And that was the least depressing story of the episode. Reality TV seems to be shifting from its original purpose, giving away fabulous cash prizes in exchange for eating bull testicles, to allowing the mass media to capitalize on the depressing pasts of everyone in America, while also allowing us, the unwashed masses, to sit back in our wingback chairs and talk amongst ourselves as to which charity case looks more like a whore.

Anyways, I digress. It was all of the above that gave me the idea for “The Most Pathetic Person In America”. Every week, contestants show up, tell their horrendously depressing back-stories, and we, the privileged, phone or text our votes in as to who we think is The Most Pathetic Person In America. Here’s a sample story… the one I’d use.

“My papa was a great old man; I can see him with a shovel in his hands. See, education he never had, but he did wonders when the times got bad. The little money from the crops he raised barely paid the bills we made. Life had kicked him down to the ground. When he tried to get up life would kick him back down. One day Papa called me to his dyin' bed, put his hands on my shoulders and in his tears he said, ‘Patches, I'm dependin' on you, son, to pull the family through. My son, it's all left up to you.’”

Topic 7: Just because one cat is an ice queen doesn't mean everyone's dog is a frat boy.

2008-04-30T09:40:00.001-04:00

Ohhh Andrew. What have you gotten yourself into.

I suppose I should preface this by saying there really aren't any domestic animals that instantly come to my mind that I don't like. Yeah, they're all pretty cool by me. Except maybe Ferrets. I hear they smell... a lot. I should also mention that I, too, am a cat owner. Not because I prefer them per se, but because I got her when I still lived with my parents and our back yard is basically the pool, which leaves no place for an animal that needs to run around.

My title speaks of the importance of shopping for a pet. Yes, just like shopping for clothing. Or even men (ladies, you get me). You have to shop around. Try things on and meet new people. You're not going to take home the first dress/man/cat you see... unless you're a slut. And yes that somehow magically applies to all three situations. More to the world of pets, though, you go to a couple shelters to look for an animal. You meet them, then come back to play with them. Make sure you'll get along. Make sure it'll get along with your other animals if you have any. Make sure it's the right pet for you. And also like men, if it's mange, snaggle-toothed and hissing, you're less likely to take it home. Heh.

To your point, Andy, yes. Dogs do require more care. They do get overly excited, they do not have the 'litter box' option, and smell a bit worse. But this is why dog owners teach their dog not to jump. They get a pooper scooper. They wash the animals so they don't smell like ass, but instead, baby powder fresh. And the other arguments just don't work because *gasp* you have to buy cats food too. You have to pick up their poop, though theirs is usually in one place and you can leave it for a few days before picking it all up (though you shouldn't). And if you have a cat like I do, she begs AND needs lots of attention. She also chewed and scratched furniture as well as slept on my bed when I would allow it (she purrs too much).

The man's best friend bit, well, I have no argument for. I have no idea (nor do I care) where the phrase came from. Probably some lonely sap who couldn't get laid but his dog would snuggle up to him on cold winter nights. A cute thought, but hardly a best friend. Even though dogs (and even cats... mine does anyway) have instincts that can tell when you're upset and will come sit with you. Even though they're great listeners (even if you do have to scratch them behind their ears to get them to stay for more than 10 minutes). Even if they've been known to save the lives of their owners because of that neediness, that loyalty.... I still don't see the 'best friend' bit. Or do I? The world may never know.

So to wrap my little soap box monologue, it's all about the individual pet. I guarantee if I shopped around enough, I could find you a dog that you didn't mind. I realize you'd probably never truly like it, but you'd at least be able to deal with it and maybe even be tempted to pat it every now and then. Or take it for a walk. Just like your cat is almost the polar opposite of my cat, there are dogs that can be the polar opposite of what you describe. Yes they're rare, but they DO exist.

Plus, I really want a puppy some day...

A rarely discussed topic comes to it's conclusion

2008-04-30T01:37:00.002-04:00

Topic 7: Cats rule, dogs drool

On a lighter note, or at least considerably lighter than some of our poli-sci, John Locke vs. Ken Kesey topics, I want to explain to all of you out there in TV land why I have chosen a path more akin to inner calm, rather than the more masculine way-of-the-spaz. To rephrase, here’s why I prefer cats to dogs.

Firstly, I’d like to address the fallacy that the Canis lupus familiaris, rather than, say, coffee, women, $krilla, or some kind of woman made of coffee and $krilla, is man’s “best friend”. In short, if I had a friend who made me buy him food, slept on my bed, chewed my things incessantly, didn’t contribute anything to monthly household expenses, and crapped on my lawn, I would be hard pressed to call him my “best” friend. Come to think of it, I pity anyone who reads this and finds a lot of similarities between my exaggerated explanation of the canine society and their best pal.

These acts of sleeping, lounging, begging and pooping are more akin to frat boys and vagabonds than what I would imagine my birth-to-earth bosom buddy. At least with cats there’s no surprise. They don’t really care for you, and have no intention of doing anything they don’t want to. But you expect that from a cat, and from the moment they finally shed all shreds of adorability and verge from kitten to fully fledged feline, they make their disdain for you abundantly clear. You’re more of their life-support than their life partner, but, again, you knew that from the start. Don’t give me a turn and call it a caramel. And don’t give me a hyperactive lay-about and call him my best friend.

On a related note, I’d like to address the relative neediness of the Canis lupus familiaris to the Felis catus. A dog requires walking, petting, poop-scooping (how many “best friends” make you join them in the bathroom as they do their business and leave you to flush it down?) petting, fetching, petting, quieting down, and petting. It’s similar to a child; a child that will never support you during your golden years. A cat, however, requires much less. A cat asks little more of you than to give it a box to pee in, and to get the hell out of its sight. The cat is more like an emotional and angstful teenager with far too much eye makeup, interacting with you only for basic amenities and reminding you to knock before you barge into his room.

So, to wrap it up, let me break it down for you old school, dogs = needy, overly excited, drunken frat boys. Cats = Robert Smith. The choice is simple, really, and if you’re lucky, your feline feller might just write the next “Boys Don’t Cry”, or at the very least “Lovecats"

Topic 6 cont. : Zealots galore!

2008-03-30T14:07:00.006-04:00

I hear what you're saying Andy. Zealots are everywhere. The most current and in-the-public-eye being the followers of the presidential candidates. The Obama fans are just as scary as the Hilary fans. It's weird when presidentail candidates can be met with the Beatles phenomena (screaming masses, crying, zealotry. Ooo is that a word?) Strange that the republican candidates don't quite have those followings. Are the republican voters less caring of their candidate or just more level headed? We may never know.

While I don't have that much to say on the Obama-mania side of things, this did bring up an issue I have with zealots of the religious variety.

I know there are zealots of all creeds, but it's hard to deny that the vast majority of weirdos come from the Christian sector of religion. It used to just be evangelicals that turned heads and spouted strange jesu-mania words in awkward moments.

Grocery Clerk: Sir, I'm sorry, we're out of haddock today.
Guy out back: We just got a shipment in 10 minutes ago.
Evangelical: Praise Jesus and Lord Hallelujah!

More recently I've found, however, that a good lot of the christian religions are going the way of the evangelicals. Thanking Jesus for this and praising God for that in every day life. Spouting prophetic wisdom on non-believers to 'save' them from hell and whatnot. Boy are they gonna look like assholes if they're wrong.

I guess my point is, there's a time and a place for everything. While I'm sure you won't bother anyone saying grace in a McDonalds, and "God Bless"ing someone when they sneeze has become common place, it does become a nuisance when you insist on teaching creationism in science classes, or insist, even worse, that Intelligent Design be taught, but become offended by evolution or other religious earth-developing theories. It does become an issue when there is a law as SIMPLE as separation of church and state that even the potential presidential candidates can't seem to follow through with.

I should also make the point that, despite how hard you try and how convincing your arguments may seem, there is no way you will change their mind. Anyone. People don't change religions because of the words of another. It takes a lot more than that.

There are many religions. Many choices. Every person has just as much a right to choose and believe what they see fit as the next person does. Remember that, respect those around you, respect the freakin Constitution of the United States of America, and maybe even read it over one more time (or for the first time). It won't hurt one bit, and you might learn something.

When Good Cults Go Bad

2008-03-12T11:16:00.003-04:00

Topic 6: Barackattacks, Obamamania, and plain old overzealous freaks

If you want to lose friends while simultaneously coming off like a world-class boob, the easiest way to do this, at least in these United States, is to walk into certain American households and say something even mildly disparaging about the Kennedy’s. Just make one comment about JFK being an overrated president, or claim he’s only as well remembered because he pulled a Jim Morrison and kicked the bucket before he had time to suck, and out the door you go. But there’s a loophole to making anti-Kennedy comments, although that loophole is quickly tightening up.

Barack Obama has on several occasions been compared to John F Kennedy, along with often being called “this generation’s JFK,” “JFK 2.0,” and “Black F Kennedy”. And the cult of personality around him is growing to that of JFK and Jim Morrison standards. Women faint and men well up at his rally’s, people flood the streets just to get the chance to see him, to prove to themselves that he is indeed flesh and blood, not some bronzed god from above to save us from the Republicans and Hillary. Even the animals get restless and break free from their pens when a Barackattack is looming on the horizon.

And with a candidate like Barack Obama who has created this cult of personality for himself, you get followers and zealots who will act like they’re…well…in a cult. Not just the crying and fainting and soiling themselves with delight you get with most Americans upon the arrival of Barack Obama in their time zone, but an instant and thoroughly disturbing desire to defend him like he was the second coming. In the few conversations I’ve attempted to have with Obama supporters (and believe you me, I’ve avoided them as much as humanly possible), I’ve been called a racist and a bigot, a supporter of blood for oil, and an ignorant boob (in so many words) who is afraid of change, all within the first 3 minutes of the conversation. The only candidate (if we can call him that) with more fanatical supporters might be Ron Paul, although I think most of them have returned to the cave dwellings to draw the Statue of Liberty and recite John Locke.

Before ending this, there’s one personal experience of mine I want to impart upon all the unwashed masses. I went to one of Barack Obama’s rallies in Hartford, CT, and left feeling quite impressed. Sure, I was impressed by Ted Kennedy’s ability to disgust and irritate me within seconds of his approaching the podium, but I was even more taken aback by Obama’s ability to speak at great lengths about change and reform without really giving any discernable ideas as to how any change or reform would come about.

“Yes, Mr. Obama, health care is in a situation where it could use a little change, and yes, war is bad, and of course, restoring America’s reputation in the international community is a worthwhile endeavor, but how, exactly, do you intend on accomplishing any of that? Please give your answer in as much detail as possible, show your work, and for god’s sake stop trying to inspire me.”

VDay... nothing to do with your hatchet wound.

2008-02-27T13:18:00.002-05:00

We've all heard some sour puss exclaim "Valentines Day is a corporate holiday! Don't support the greeting card companies! I'm obviously single and not getting laid so you all must be miserable with me!"

People need to stop thinking of valentines day as anything but a day to be with the people you love. And others will chime in with "Why can't we do that every day? Why does it have to be Valentines Day?" To which I reply, because you touch yourself at night.

But seriously. That retort doesn't work because the fact of the matter is a very small portion of people do nice things for their loved ones with any regularity. Think of what would happen if Vday was taken off the books. Men would have more money in their pockets come February 15th. Women would sulk because their boyfriends are never romantic. The chocolate, flower and paper industries would suffer. THE HORROR.

You know, being the cynic that I am, you'd think I was anti-Vday like the previously mentioned virgin jerkoffs. But actually, I'm all for it. For the reasons mentioned above. Everyone needs lovin', and Valentines Day is a way to make sure the people who love you won't forget to give said lovin'. Plus, who DOESN'T like chocolate, candy, flowers, jewelry, whatever, PLUS sappy words in a card every now and then?? No one, that's who.

I apologize for the shortness of this entry, but that's really all I have to say. Way to pick a lame topic Andy! Try again.

I do propose, however, that you and I (Andrew) celebrate between Februarly 17th and the 20th, for this simple reason: Shit's on sale. Saaaale. I can't tell you how much delicious candy and how many nice cards we could get for insanely low prices after Vday. Plus, our anniversary is on the 20th anyway, so why not just make it a three day chocolate binge. Deal? Deal.

Happy Love Day Everyone!

2008-02-14T02:06:00.002-05:00

Topic 5: Valentines Day, Romantic Evening, or Corporate Scheming?

We've all heard it once or twice before, the idea that Valentines Day was created by the greeting card companies to sell us carboard boxes filled with almost-cardboard candies. When I first heard that idea, I just shrugged it off with the assumtion that whomever said it was a little valentine-less this year. But what with these new anti-holiday fads that seem to be cropping up, like the war on Christmas and whatnot, I thought it deserved a little more thought.

First off, a quick read through the history of Valentines Day seems to negate any real theories that the holiday came into fashion, or even just the card-exchanging aspect of it, for the sole purpose of profit padding. It seems that the idea of a St Valentines Day being associated with love actually originated as far back as Chaucer. And add the fact that jewelry didn't really become associated with the holiday until the diamond industry started suggesting the idea as a gift in the mid 1980's, well that seems, at least to me, to further negate the idea of a corporate-birthed holiday.

But this isn't about history. And while one can argue the true reasons and inception of the original card-exchanging tradition, it's much harder to argue against the notion of a greeting card company putting the pressure on men and women with too much gift-related doubt and too much green in their wallets. People say it's strange, or unfair, or even wrong, for couples to be expecting gifts from one another; that it's immoral for a company to suggest that one certain gift will make your mate love you more, while not purchasing it might just put the kaibosh on your chances at scoring on the holiest of February's holy days. Personally, I can't think of many things less worth getting worked up about.

I honestly just don't see how people can get worked up and upset at the idea of a day where common practice is to spend time with someone you love and exchanging cards, pleasantries, gifts, and bodily fluids. I'm all for it, I think we need more holidays where I buy crap for my special lady, wax mushy over my ramshackle attempt at panang curry, and expect sweet sweet lovin before one of us zonks out from too much bubbly. Once a month, we should all exchange gifts, go out to dinner, and score. Think of how much happier your life might go, knowing that every month you had at minimum one solid shot at a romantic evening.

And as a side bonus, we wouldn't have to deal with crappy movie trailers where women with three names ending in “Parker” say things like “I'm not going to spend another Valentines day alone” while that Natalie Imbruglia song plays in the background.

"I'm great, but everyone else is screwed"

2008-01-17T16:37:00.000-05:00

Sicko.

I haven’t seen. I have no desire to see it. I have no need to see it. I honestly don’t think you have enough money to entice me to sit through it without attempting suicide by artificial butter flavoring. One of the nice things about being an American, and likewise being a pompous ass, is that I can make full judgment on something I have very little first hand knowledge of. I know Michael Moore’s penchant for posing his movies as documentaries while including about as many facts as the latest installment of the Harry Potter series (England is real, owls are real, but after that, all bets are off.)

But what Moore has done well is bringing into the light a glaring problem in American society that has gone far too long unnoticed. Wait, scratch that, we’re talking about health care problems.

Healthcare seems to be the hottest of the hot-button issues this election season now that the terrorists have all gotten jobs as fry-cooks at Arby’s or whatever it is they’re doing these days. Apparently there are big problems with health care these days, and some 50 people show up to emergency rooms every hour with AIDS-embossed spears stuck in their kidneys and are stuck waiting an average of 6 hours before entering triage. Sounds like one dilly of a pickle to me.

Let’s try to skirt around the sensationalism and look at the facts.

According to The Health Care In America survey (found here) taken by ABC News/Kaiser Family Foundation/USA Today, “Most Americans are not satisfied with the nation’s health care system.” Startling news, to say the least. The survey found that 80% of Americans are dissatisfied with the cost of health care, along with 54% being disappointed with the quality of care. Also startling. Americans dissatisfied with thing they receive? Unheard of!

But if we look deeper, we see a discrepancy that shines some interesting light on the issue. The Health Care In America survey also found that 88% of those same Americans were satisfied with the cost and coverage of their personal insurance, along with 89% being quite satisfied with the quality of care they received through said insurance.

Par-don? You read right, America. Americans are frustrated with the quality of care in America, and quite upset with the cost of insurance, but when asked about the insurance they personally have, and they quality they’ve received, they’re peachy keen. Americans are very concerned and worried about a system that they feel is treating them just fine.

Continuing with the idea of unaffordable health care, according to the aforementioned survey, one specific group of people reported over 40% having trouble paying medical bills. Wonder which group it was? Americans with income less than $35,000. I don’t know about you, but I’m frankly astonished that people who don’t make very much money would have trouble paying for things which are notoriously expensive. The group with the second most trouble paying for medical bills? College students and those just out of college. Also not very surprising. What was quite surprising, at least I felt, was that only 12% of Americans over the age of 65 reported having difficult paying medical bills. With all that I’ve heard about grandma living on the streets out in the cold and not being able to get the care she so desperately needs, either the sensationalism surrounding these claims is worse than I thought, or grandma is just too proud to tell the Kaiser Family Foundation that she can’t afford Zoloft.

With all this talk, one wonders what the solution to our health care problems might be. And before you can even ask the question you’ll find a democratic campaigner diving through your window to tell you of the wonderous thing called “Universal Health Care” in that magical land just above us that we sometimes call Canada.

You pay your taxes, government jumps in and takes the reins, everyone gets healthy, and Mexicans, Blacks, Asians and Whites alike stand outside a hospital in their Sunday clothes posing and looking chipper for a photo-op. Sounds like heaven, right? Actually, it sounds like a badly written episode of Grey’s Anatomy to me, but that’s beside the point.

Even if we ignore all the real reasons Universal Health Care would be a colossal failure (long lines, waiting lists, lower quality of care, less incentive for doctors to be innovative, less incentive for citizens to become doctors, lower pay, fewer medical discoveries, fewer new techniques and medications, my mother’s job at Aetna becoming redundant) we can see that a good chunk of Americans don’t even want Universal Health Care once it actually starts to cost them something.

If we look at the same survey we’ve been talking from this entire time, 65% of Americans who originally gave their support for a Universal Health Care system, would no longer support it if it meant they would have to pay higher premiums or higher taxes. 67% would beg for their HMO’s back if Universal Health Care meant there would be waiting lists for non-emergency treatments, 72% if it would limit their choice of doctors. And an astonishing 82% would go running to Aetna for a PPO if Universal Health Care meant that some treatments that are currently covered in their insurance would no longer be covered under a Universal Health Care system.

Yup, that’s right. Universal Health Care is the greatest idea in the world and should be implemented immediately…as long as I don’t have to sacrifice anything for it. So much for the party that speaks for the unspoken voices.

Alright, I know this didn’t really cover all the talking points in what you wrote, Aerin. But I think I hit on some of the topics that you mentioned, and did my best to keep my Moore-bashing to the first section.

I like to think it's just got a touch of the flu.

2008-01-16T19:46:00.000-05:00

http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=56621

Sicko.

Moore skewed his data. He always does. It's how he makes his point so pungant. It's probably what helps him win awards. This time around, he claims there are "nearly 50 million" uninsured Americans. Other research says it's more like 43 to 44 million. A small chunk of that number can afford it and simply choose not to have it. The "it'll never happen to me" motto. A chunk includes the illegal immigrants. A smaller chunk includes criminals.

While Moore tends to over do things and get behind a cause, likely without sitting down to *really* think about what it means, I'm glad he made Sicko. A lot of his information isn't factual. Some of it is. The most important parts are. The parts where American citizens who are in trouble with their health can't afford treatments necessary to live a bareable life. Or the part where someone (like me, who is two years out of college and couldn't find a job in her home town area) can't afford to pay for health care. (And come to find out, even if I had applied for unemployment benefits, I would have gotten around $80 a week. Not enough. Good thing my parents are my land lords.) That kind of stuff raises some issues.

Now, don't get me wrong. I do not think that Universal Health Care is the answer. Not by any means. The waiting lists, the lower incentive for doctors, the chalk-full emergency rooms.
I do, however, think we need to take another route than the one we're on. I think America could come up with something uniquely us. What works for other countries will not work for our country. We're a completely different animal. That's like saying whatever tools used to treat an elephant with a tumor will work on a field mouse. Not gonna happen.

Maybe we could create a low-priced basic "this is what's covered" health care plan that every company must carry. This way even lower income citizens could afford it, and they would all be completely informed about what was and wasn't covered.

Maybe we could make it illegal for persons under a certain income level not to have health insurance. Just like it's illegal to drive an uninsured car. Make it illegal to not take the health insurance your work place offers if they offer insurance.

Finally, I want to touch on something else Mr. Elder mentioned. Criminals and illegal aliens getting health care.

Criminals: I think they should. If they're not slated for the death penalty, there's no reason we should drive them that way. There are plenty of ways to die in jail that have little to do with becoming ill. I do, however, think that the health care plan they're offered should be specific about what it covers, and it shouldn't cater to a criminals every sniffle.

Aliens: They don't need health care, they have UFO's 'n' shit! Wait...what? Oh, right. I think that unless it is an emergency and there is no time to go back to your own country for care and/or gain citizenship in this country, illegals should not be covered. While I'm a firm believer that the loss of a human life is a sad thing, no matter who lived it, I'd prefer the care we work hard to provide go to the legal citizens of our country. If it's a life or death situation, by all means, treat the person. Charge them the insane emergency room fees. But otherwise, if they choose to be here illegally, they should have to fend for themselves.

I think that's all I had. I may re-read this and edit parts of it. You can't stop me, you're not my real Dad!!

Uh... annnywho. Andy, here's your task. Reply to this while doing your best to keep your hatred for Michael Moore at bay. Try to stick to responding to the article and what I wrote. :)
<3

Look In The Sky! It's A Bird! It's A Plane! No, It's A Buttinski!

2007-12-21T03:01:00.000-05:00

Topic #3: Can you force America to be healthier?

Fascism (As defined by Merriam Webster)
\fa-shi-zəm\
1 often capitalized: a political philosophy, movement, or regime (as that of the Fascisti) that exalts nation and often race above the individual and that stands for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression of opposition

“When fascism comes to America, it will come in a white coat and a stethoscope.” – Cigar Smoking Guy on an episode of Penn and Teller’s Bullshit

Problem 1:
What do you do when you’re sitting at your favorite restaurant and the delicious smell of cigarette smoke that you find so repugnant starts wafting over to your table, brutally interrupting your quiche? Do you:

a) Quietly attempt to enjoy your meal and pay the bill, leaving without making a fuss.
b) Politely ask the offending smoker if he wouldn’t mind putting out his cigarette
c) Move to a different table
d) Speak to the manager/owner of the restaurant and voice your complaint, hoping that if enough people do so he might reconsider his policy of letting people smoke in his restaurant
e) Make a mental note not to return to this restaurant because it’s “smoking” and “non-smoking” sections are not well segregated
f) Write your congressman

Well, if you’re the average American, you’re going to move for option “f”. “But, Andy,” you say, “what could my congressman do? The restaurateur isn’t doing anything illegal, and it is well within his rights to allow or disallow perfectly legal activities on his premise. A free man or woman has the right to conduct their business as they see fit, as long as it is not infringing on the rights of others.”

Ha-ha. Funny. But unfortunately not true. Apparently, in America, it makes perfect sense to enact legislation which would fine business owners for smoking inside the businesses and buildings which they legally own. All you have to do is take some specious and misleading research, throw the words “epidemic” or “pandemic” in there, make claims of between 500 and 50,000 deaths a year related to second hand smoke, and you’ve got yourself a much more pleasant dinner! All you had to do with sacrifice the liberties and freedom of others for your own convenience.

(See here for more information on the less biased studies regarding environmental tobacco smoke)

Let’s throw another situation in the mix to get a better feel to see our American liberties at work.

Problem 2:
You’re driving down the main street when you pass a McDonalds. You’re amazed to see that the drive-thru line is quite long. You wonder to yourself why people would eat such unhealthy food. It may even frustrate you to know that, despite the common knowledge that fast food is not a healthy alternative, people continue to eat it. Do you:

a) Shrug off your frustration and drive off
b) Shake your head and sigh
c) Continue to “vote with your wallet” and not eat at fast food joints
d) Make a mental note to remind your children about the importance of eating healthy
e) Make a mental note to bring up at the next PTA meeting your concern that children may not be getting enough information and education regarding healthy eating
f) Write your congressman

Again, if you’re the average American who feels he/she knows better than everyone else, and must step in and satisfy your world-saving complex, you’ll pick option “f”. Feel free to disregard that everyone has the right to choose which foods to eat on a daily basis. Feel free to ignore simple principals of capitalism that would regulate extremely unhealthy food from being put onto the market on a regular basis. All you need to do is throw some statistics regarding obesity out there, claim you’re doing it “for the sake of our unhealthy children”, and you’ve got it made.

And feel free to hike up your pants, climb into your ivory tower, step onto the soapbox you keep up on the top floor, and remind everyone that you know better, and it’s time the government stepped in, wasting countless hours and taxpayers dollars debating legislation to change the type of oil French fries are cooked in. Well done you!

Problem 3:
Your son comes home from school and mentions in conversation that he used some of his lunch money to buy a soda from the cafeteria during his lunch period. Do you:

a) Shake your head and sigh
b) Remind your son that the money you give him is for food, not soda and cookies
c) Start packing your son a lunch instead, as to better control what he eats
d) Explain to your son why he shouldn’t be drinking so much soda
e) Make a mental note to bring up at the next PTA meeting that you should bring up the idea of more variety in their healthy alternatives in the cafeteria
f) Write your congressman

Yes, that’s right. Once again the correct answer was to force the world to change to your fickle qualms. Of course every parent has the right to raise their child as they see fit (excepting, of course, obvious illegal actions). And, of course, if your child is using their lunch money to buy junk food, it’s not the school’s fault that your child is disobeying your instructions. But none of that is important right now. What is important is that you’ve once again noticed a horrible injustice that is not only inconveniencing you, but probably is making our country fat and ugly and fetid and Republican. Time to run to that ivory tower and make your decree to the unwashed masses below!

Understanding Your Score:
If you answered “f” to the preceding three questions, you may just be a fascist in disguise. Don’t panic though, just because you feel the government needs to keep in check people whom you’ve decided don’t know as much as you and babysit them, doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It just means you’re self righteous.

If you answered either “d” or “e” on the questions, though, please contact the World Conservation Union so they may adjust the numbers to account for you in their calculations regarding the endangerment of Homo sapiens oportet.

Pop Tax

2007-12-19T22:36:00.000-05:00

Topic #3: Can you force America to be healthier?

A California Mayor would like to put a tax on soda in an effort to slim his city down. He claims it to be his effort in a fight against chronic obesity, which strains the cities health care system. Of the 65 % of Americans considered overweight, studies show roughly one-third are considered "obese," weighing 30 lbs or more over their ideal weight.

I admit I am pretty close to declaring myself Swiss. On the one hand, alcohol and cigarette taxes have severely cut down on the amount of people smoking and drinking since they've been imposed, and I'm all for my friends and family that can't or won't take care of their health once it's started to deteriorate due to drinking, smoking or even over-eating.

But on the other hand, it looks like Mayor Newsom feels the need to babysit San Francisco. And I can see where this would make the city upset. I agree with them when they say that it's one thing to discourage people from doing the "wrong thing," and it's another to force them to do the "right thing."

Problem is, the more we do things that make people in this country feel like they're losing freedoms or aren't in control of their daily lives and decisions, the more we create this apathetic non-voting government-hating sub-genre of Americans that seems to be growing every day.

All in all, while I can see Mayor Newsom's concern, I don't think taxing soda is the answer. It's a temporary solution to a deeper and much more complicated issue. We need to encourage food companies to make healthier products. We need to make gym memberships affordable to average-joes (Thank you, Planet Fitness, for rocking so hard). We need to encourage walking and biking from place to place, which helps the environment AND your fat ass! Ha-ha!

Plus, I like diet coke with lime.

S-O-V, or My history with Rap & Hip Hop

2007-12-18T14:35:00.000-05:00

Topic #2: Rap = Crap?

I admit it. In my early years, I was a main stream freak. I liked pop -- N*Sync, the Spice Girls, Hanson... even Britney Spears. That's not to say I didn't like some other utterly awesome music too (Pearl Jam, Collective Soul, No Doubt, etc.), but I was on the verge of having a pretty sad taste in music for a while there. Before my tastes dramatically changed, my cheerleader friends (yes, I had cheerleader friends) introduced me to the Rap/Hip hop genre. Busta Rhymes, Snoop Dogg, Lil' Kim, early Missy Elliot and Puff Daddy, Ludacris, Outkast, DMX, Notorious B.I.G. and more. And I found this was a welcome change from the sappy boy-band ballad. And because I enjoy dancing, this stuff was all right up my alley. The gals and I would dance around endlessly to it, be it in the Jr. High cafeteria at dances, or in our bedrooms at sleep overs.

Later, as I began discovering more and more about the world of music, my taste became increasingly diverse. I began listening to alternative rock, folk, punk and metal. When I hit college, I joined the campus Radio Station ranks, and began discovering the amazing world of Indie rock. That's not to leave rap/hip hop behind -- through WMEB and music blog searching, I discovered artists like The Streets, Lady Sovereign, Goldie Lookin' Chain, and Tinchy Stryder.

Back to the topic at hand, I would comment that rap does not promote thug life, derogatory terms, violence and promiscuity. Yes, it speaks of these things, but I have yet to hear a song that explicitly states "You, the listener, should do these things because I do them." We have our own minds, people. We have free will for a reason. Anyone who blames rap music, Marilyn Manson, or music in general for the plights of the world is full of it. There's a deeper cause that most people refuse to see or try to fix. But that's another post entirely.

As far as debunking the Rap = Crap myth, it is and always has been a matter of opinion. Everyone is entitled to one, blah blah blah (there goes that sense of entitlement again). There is a good portion of rap, I will admit, I do not enjoy listening to. I will not go out of my way to listen to it, and I may even roll my eyes if I'm forced to listen to "Work It" one more G.D. time.... And of course, we are all victim to the dreaded overplaying of what was once a great song, thanks to commercial radio. That's one of the reasons I don't really listen to the radio anymore.

But there are two sides to every coin. I prefer the other side. Music with a good beat, for dancing or taping your foot to. Music with clever lyrics. Brits. An unusual take on an old standard. A remix of older songs to make a brand spankin' new one. These are the types of rap/hip hop I enjoy.

In conclusion, Rap ≠ Crap. Just because you don't like it doesn't make it a complete and utter failure. Someone put some hard work into making it, and whether you enjoy it or not, you can still appreciate the craftsmanship. Just because you don't see a need for a hand made jewel encrusted elephant statue doesn't mean it's not pretty to look at. Or something.

Seacrest out.

Music And Me

2007-12-18T00:34:00.000-05:00

Topic #2: Rap = Crap?

Where my homies at? How am I gonna get the green to make the scene? Does heaven have a ghetto? These are questions we’ve all asked ourselves at one point or another. If I may quote a good friend and regular bronze-god among men, Mike Ando, “I remember the day I first asked myself (where my homies at?) It really turned a page in my life, made me a man, sort of.”

If we can disregard the fact that I’m a middle class white man for a second, I want to take you on a trip through my discovery and embracing of hip hop, rap, grime, and various other makes and models. So lets hop in my drop top, start leaning out the side of my gosh darn ride with an OG gangsta glide, and try to debunk the myth that Rap = Crap.

My first interaction with rap music was in the 6th or 7th grade. I don’t really remember too much of it, suffice to say that I heard Ice Cube’s “You Can Do It (Put Your Back Into It) and Destiny’s Child’s “Bills Bills Bills” far more times than any man of decent psychological standing should. It was a magical summer, really. My cousins were visiting from Miami, and at some point while living there they had transformed from upstanding Portuguese/Latino young citizens to gang bangers and crack slangers. At least, that was the image they were glowing.

I dismissed the low-riding pants, lack of articulation in speech, and new-found interest in listening to people talk rhythmically over a shanghaied Earth Wind and Fire lick as some sort of temporary psychosis. Not once did I even dare to think that the slammin beats busting out of their newly-purchased Ghetto Blasters might have any musical value or significance. And my outlook on this world of music would remain this way for quite some time.

Fast forward to my senior year of high school; I was taking Intro To Economics and had rekindled a friendship with an old Boy Scout buddy by the name of Mike Ando (I apologize, Mike, if you wanted to keep that sordid fact about your past a secret). For one reason or another, possibly through the kindness of the lord that flows through his gold-encrusted heart, Mr. Ando made me a mix CD of some songs he thought I should be exposed to. Sure, I may have gotten caught up listening to the theme from Flipper that he generously placed as Track 2, but further down that musical rabbit-hole, I found something different; something not only with a better bass line, but with less of a focus on amphibious mammals.

“Ain't Nutt'N But G Thang” by Snoop Dogg, feat. Dr. Dre, was cleverly located at Track 6 the CD, and it captured my attention. Maybe it was the way Snoop Dogg’s voice flowed so easily, like a leaf in a summer breeze. Maybe it was the fact that I couldn’t help by bob and sway to the beat. Maybe it was just my time. Regardless of the reason, I was hooked. Immediately I dove onto file sharing programs, determined to ensconce myself with this newfound discovery. Like a new born, I was seeing a new world for the first time, and hot-damn was it funky.

I moved quickly from Snoop Dogg to long time collaborator, Warren G. After hearing “Regulators” I immediately admired Nate Dogg. And after purchasing his “Music and Me” I soon realized that next to nothing gets done in the rap industry without his involvement. A quick scan through hip hop message boards introduced me to Sway, and immediately I was across the pond, much later on discovering acts like Tinchy Stryder, Baby Blue, and Lady Sovereign. A confusion while trying to download some GLC introduced me to Goldie Lookin Chain, and bridge stuck in my friend Abby’s head threw Kanye in my face. And don't even get me started on Slick Rick.

Even today, three years later, I find myself more interested in independent rap and hip-hop acts much more than the rock scene. Something about independent hip hop seemed to require much more talent than laying some lyrics about LA and legs that don’t stop over a circle of fifths.

But I digress (I swear this originally had a point past gushing over lyric-spitting and hi-hats. You hear a lot of complaint and disregard for rap. You talk to people, especially (from my own observations) upper middle class white people of all ages, and you’ll be told that rap does nothing but promote drug use, senseless violence, and regarding all women as bitches and ho’s. And while bitches may not be any shit but ho’s and tricks, that’s a conclusion anyone could come to, regardless of their record collection consisting of Dr Dre or Thelonious Monk.

Rap gave me something to relate to. I know you’re thinking that I never lived in the streets and I’ve never done crack, but hear me out. While listening to Warren G’s “I Want It All” I realized I didn’t have to let materialism get the best of me. “The Game Don’t Wait” got me motivated to get out in the world and take my own piece of the pie. “Young Locs Slow Down” taught me not to buy into the glamorization of rap or any other lifestyle on the outer rim of society. “What We Go Through” showed me that people will tell me they know what I’m feeling, and a lot of the time, they don’t. And “This DJ” made me understand that anyone can feel badass driving through a suburban town at 3 in the afternoon as long as they lean just right and have the right album on.

What I’m getting at is this, I’m not a white boy who wants to pretend he knows what street life is all about; the Polo’s in my closet would betray that notion instantly. And I’m not trying to tell you that Rap and Hip Hop are going to take over the charts and knock Kenny Chesney and Vanessa Carlton back where they came from (Ms. Carlton does a good enough job of that on her own). All I’m t trying to say is that beneath the coarse language, entrancing beats, and exploitive music videos, there’s a common mind there that we all can groove to if we get the chance.

Dick Cheney Trolls Your LiveJournal

2007-12-15T18:04:00.000-05:00

Topic #1: Should privacy be a right in America?

At the age of 19, I made a startling realization.

I was having lunch with an old friend at the time, and somewhere during my explanation of how I discovered the secrets of the universe while conversing with a water goddess named Aria who looked something like Catherine Zeta Jones in a slinky red cocktail dress, I came upon a striking revelation.

There I was, nibbling on a chicken pesto Panini and describing an experience that most likely made me seem less of a human being, and more of a mass of psychotic verbal diarrhea. Yet if my luncheon companion had asked me the password to my Gmail account I would have scoffed at his sly attempt to brutally crowbar his way into my private life.

It’s strange how teenagers will verbalize every overwhelmingly private detail of their love lives and battles with depression on sites like Livejournal.com, but if their parents somehow discovered that the “Internet Explorer” icon on their desktop could actually give them access to that massive series of tubes that we’ve dubbed “The Internets”, and that they could, consequentially, go to this public-private-diary site and read about their kids, that the teenagers would explode in a pubescent fury at the blatant parental disregard for that old chestnut we like to call “privacy”.

What is it about our culture that gives us our feeling of entitlement to privacy? Is it really a right? Is it a privilege? Do we even deserve privacy? Have our inner most thoughts just become so risqué that we have to shield them from any external observer? And why are we so afraid that around every corner there’s a shadowy figure on a Wi-Fi connection desperately trying to log our AIM conversations?

The most telling example of privacy paranoia can be seen by getting in a group of middle-class white people and saying the magic words, “patriot act”. Suddenly, without so much as a “It’s funny you should mention that,” you’ll be bombarded with hypothetical horror stories of being sent to Guantanamo because Big Brother’s all encompassing email filters picked up some naughty key words in your email about how “I took a tour of The White House, and it was the bomb!”

Personally, even if the big bad Patriot Act really could allow government officials to huff and puff and blow my firewall down, I don’t truly believe they’re scanning my Gmail for terrorist plots. The worst they could dig up would be the erotic pictures of myself I keep spamming Bob Dole’s inbox with. Granted, the sight of me in a tube top would instill fear into the hearts of a modern day Sparta, but surely that’s not worth the supposed twenty gazillion dollars we’re spending on national security.

I suppose the real question is whether the government has any right to crack open the lace-edged diary at the back of my underwear drawer. Is it morally and ethically ok to scan the numerous love-poems I wrote but never sent to Olivia Newton John back in the 5th grade, all in the name of saving the world?

If the government really feels that incidents like the attacks on September 11th could have been prevented if they were allowed easier access to things like phone taps, library records and email accounts, I don’t think opening that door would be the worst thing to happen to our liberties. And saying that something like this could lead to government cameras in our houses is about as accurate and insightful as claiming that legalizing gay marriage would soon lead to troves of men lining up to marry their 7 underage brothers and their old dog Blue.

This isn’t a slippery slope, it’s a staircase. And every step must be consciously taken.

The government isn’t an all-encompassing secret cabal of succubae who are going to send your wife an email every time you visit the “Casual Encounters” page on Craigslist, nor are Dick Cheney and General Michael Hayden trolling your MySpace and ogling the pictures you took of yourself in the mirror.

If you’re afraid of people you don’t know, or even more so the people that you do, learning the secrets about your private life, the first step might be to stop documenting it. If you’ll allow me to paraphrase and old tidbit of advice I heard from either my father, my high school guidance counselor, or that waiter named Thad at the Denny’s downtown, “If you’re unsure of whether you should do something, think about if you’d want your friends and family to know you’d done it. If you wouldn’t mind, then do it. If not, then don’t, and certainly don’t blog about it.”

Bem-vindo!

2007-12-15T10:36:00.000-05:00

Topic #1: Should privacy be a right in America?

Privacy is not a right. It's a privilege. Or at least that's how it currently stands. A lot of people don't even realize this. We get outraged when the government wants to spy on our phone calls, but we think nothing of signing our address, e-mail and home phone away when we'd like to enter a contest on those tiny entry forms at the gas station. You don't think that gas station -- or whomever is running the contest -- can be bought? Wrong. If someone offers them the right price, they're going to give all those contest entries away and you're going to start getting spam and junk mail from the purchaser.

Unless it explicitly says otherwise, when you write any personal information anywhere, it can and likely will be sold to someone else for different purposes.

Do I agree with this? Well, yeah. As much as I'd rather not have my personal information sold, or my phone tapped by homeland security, if it keeps the economy going and keeps me safer, then I pretty much have to be okay with it. I've heard this phrase a lot lately -- It's for the greater good.

This might make you want to stop signing up for contests and things -- but you won't. There IS that silly chance that you'll win. I've won a contest before. It feels great. And think about it -- if box stores and corporations and credit card companies didn't buy this information, a lot of people would be without the things they have. It's just another way of advertising. Yes, it's a more annoying way, and often a way that's not-so-good for the environment, but that's part of how we work. When you think about it, despite the few kinks we undoubtedly have, the US of A is a pretty well oiled machine.

And furthermore, if the government has to tap my phone calls to make sure I'm not going to blow up a train or fly something into a tall building full of people, so be it. If it prevents terrorism, drug dealing, embezzling, murders, suicides, whatever -- then it's a-okay with me. I personally don't have anything to hide. And if I ever should have something to hide, it'll likely be a secret safe with me and me alone. And maybe Andy. But that's it.

So invade my privacy. Sell me your made-in-china crap that I'll probably love. Tap my phones. Give me your $1000 credit limit. I don't care! It's all part of the beauty that is America.